Me for a second

Leave a comment

April 23, 2013 by mattwilcoxen

Image

Most mornings I wake a few moments before my alarm is set to detonate. I relieve myself of the liquids of the previous evening and walk quietly out of my dark bedroom and into the hallway of my flat, where I remove the baby gate that holds my 9 month old labrador puppy at bay. Usually he seems sleepier than me, a fact that he manifests with slow and vocal yawns. He saunters lazily after me into the tiny kitchenette and dissolves into a pile next to me, making sure that as much of him is touching as much of me as possible. I try to accommodate his need for physical touch by contorting my body in order to make my morning coffee without interrupting his leisurely sunrise routine. I prepare my little black volcano in its filter, flip on the electric kettle, and wait.

While the cold water begins its ascent, I reach for my iPhone. I open the mail app, eagerly watching it download the latest round of junk email, and occasionally a short and trivial note from someone I know. Very occasionally I am struck by the anticipation present as the phone receives its payload. It is as if I am really waiting for something important, something monumental. I sense the supreme possibility that good or ill, hope or disappointment might enter my life. It’s something akin to the excitement with which I opened those cleverly folded notes from girls in high school. It must be similar to the way in which a young woman feels as she urinates on the test strip after missing her scheduled period. It must be the way a young American man felt in 1969 as he watched the draft lottery broadcast live on TV.

Recently I’ve wondered: what am I waiting for? What do I expect to come through that utterly absurd little electronic device (the one that I–and countless others–told ourselves we needed to make us more productive, more creative, more connected)? I have no idea what I am looking for specifically, but the following predicates leap to mind: meaning, beauty, joy, solidity, depth, rest, affirmation, color. This strange specious present is me, it’s me me– real me. It’s me in all my emptiness, it’s me as a desire that I do not attempt to suppress or sate. There, for an irreducible amount of temporal extension, I wait. No, I pray.

Thus far, my supplications have gone unanswered.

The kettle bell goes off. The coffee grinds bloom in the basket and drop their sweet black nectar into my cup. The native at my feet grows restless. And I leave me behind and begin another day.

Advertisements

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s

Archives

Enter your email address to follow this blog and receive notifications of new posts by email.

Join 74 other followers

COPYRIGHT NOTICE

© Matthew A. Wilcoxen and Canon and Creed, 2012-2014. Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this blog’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Matthew A. Wilcoxen and Canon and Creed with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.
Daniel Imburgia a blog

"We have art so that we shall not die of reality." Nietzsche

Many Horizons

Philosophy, Theology, Culture

CWoznicki Think Out Loud

Scattered Thoughts on Theology and Culture...

Peripatetic Learning

Traveling in the footsteps of those who have gone before

Fors Clavigera

Reflections on scripture and tradition

papermind

think|ink

WIT

Women in Theology

Thinking Pacifism

Reflections on peace and faith

Cole Ryan

A Few Thoughts On Christianity

Theological Musings

Μόνον ἀξίως τοῦ εὐαγγελίου τοῦ Χριστοῦ πολιτεύεσθε.

Sean the Baptist (in the UCA)

Reflections on scripture and tradition

the archives near Emmaus

a biblioblog from 2009-2014

PER CARITATEM

Reflections on scripture and tradition

The Evangelical Calvinist

"Scripture alone can be the domina." -Karl Barth

Chrisendom

Reflections on scripture and tradition

Out of Bounds

Theology in the Far Country

Darren Sumner

A Theology On The Way

Theology Forum

Serving the joyful cultivation of the theological craft for the life of the church: inquiring honestly, deliberating wisely, acting faithfully

Storied Theology

Reflections on scripture and tradition

The Scriptorium

Reflections on scripture and tradition

DET

Reflections on scripture and tradition

Jesus Creed

Reflections on scripture and tradition

Euangelion

Reflections on scripture and tradition

For Christ and His Kingdom

A Blog by Doctoral Students of Wheaton College

The Two Cities

Reflections on scripture and tradition

Shored Fragments

Reflections on scripture and tradition

Faith and Theology

Reflections on scripture and tradition

%d bloggers like this: